Jim Mello and Travis White: Sexual assault difficult for men to cope with

Published by Jeb Murphy on May 15th, 2012

We are men.

The men’s sexual abuse survivors group is an open group and survivors are encouraged to attend.

The group meets every Monday night from 6:30 p.m. to 9 p.m. at the SAVES office on Main Street in Farmington. It is free and confidential.

We are men who have families, are married, have children. We coach youth sports. We are artists and musicians. We are involved in our communities.

We are men who embrace each other’s vulnerabilities; who listen to each other’s fears and confusion, to voices of scared children long since passed but still so present.

We are among the men who were sexually abused by confirmation sponsors, Boy Scout leaders, family members, older neighborhood boys. We represent the one in six men who are victims of sexual abuse as children, and we live in this community.

How did we get here?

We are here because a man who is a survivor of sexual abuse came to a local rape crisis center and asked about services for men. He came after attending a 12-step meeting, where 12 people (one female) were in attendance.

At that meeting, with the encouragement of his sponsor, that man disclosed that he was a survivor of sexual abuse. Then, seven of the other 10 men disclosed histories of sexual abuse and identified it as one of the reasons they abused substances.

The group started because of a need, not only for that man, but for the hundreds of men in this community who are survivors of sexual abuse.

Originally, several men from the 12-step group agreed to attend the male survivors support group. But, when the group started, only two members of the original group of disclosures began attending the group. Others who attended heard about the group through newspaper articles and word of mouth.

The group is now celebrating a year of offering a safe place for men who are survivors of sexual violence. In whatever way men have arrived at the group, what has happened during the past year has been truly remarkable.

Men have been able to share in a group their experiences of abuse and to move through the negative effects of these events; to talk about the isolation they have experienced; and to listen to each other, have empathy, embrace each other and have hope for peace for each other.

In addition, members say that what is more valuable than being able to tell their story is the power of listening to others’ voices — the confirmation that they are not alone in their abuse.

We laugh, joke and play. We work to not only eliminate the guilt and shame that we have harbored for years, but also to remove those things in the greater community; to encourage other male survivors to seek help and find supportive places to heal.

We know, above all else, how difficult it is for men to talk about their experiences of sexual abuse — what courage and strength is required to take the first step and say, “I was sexually abused.”

We know, firsthand, the shame, humiliation, guilt, confusion and unparalleled fear of disclosure that male victims of sexual abuse feel.

We also know that hiding, ignoring or denying the sexual abuse ultimately hurt us more than accepting and disclosing it. And it kept us from years of healing that could have begun much earlier.

We are here to encourage other male survivors to speak up. Maybe, at first, in a cautious whisper, but then in voices growing ever stronger with the understanding that this was not their fault, that the shame and humiliation is not theirs. And, with a recognition that asking for help is a sign of strength and a commitment to growth, to healing, to life.

Jim Mello and Travis White, on behalf of the men’s group.

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Posted in Local Sexual Assault Issues

Governor Who Cut Funding for Sexual Assault Victims Has Son Who Was Charged With Sexual Assault

Published by Jeb Murphy on May 10th, 2012

From Jezebel.com:

On Friday, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer signed a law that bars state funding from going to any organization that provides abortion services. This means that Planned Parenthood, which doesn’t use state money for abortions, will be deprived of funds they would have used to provide all manner of sexual health services, including services used by victims of sexual assault — STD tests, pregnancy tests, and the Morning After Pill, for example. The defunding of Planned Parenthood would be a crappy, callous move on its own, but it seems especially hypocritical coming from Brewer — her son, Ronald, has been a patient at the state mental hospital for the last 20 years after he was found not guilty of kidnap and sexual assault by reason of insanity.

According to the Arizona Republic in July of 1989, Ronald Brewer allegedly broke into a woman’s apartment, slapped her several times, and committed sex acts on her. After his 1990 indictment, his mother claimed that Ronald had “decompensated,” which means that although he’d been functioning normally before the attack, his state deteriorated. His lawyers argued that Ronald didn’t know, at the time, that what he was doing was wrong, and a judge agreed, committing Ronald indefinitely to the state’s hospital, where he still lives (although he’s free to leave with staff or with his parents). Just days before Jan Brewer was sworn in as the state’s governor in 2009, Ronald’s criminal records were sealed. His case is one of only four cases that were sealed in Maricopa County in 2009, out of 40,000 total criminal cases.

Jan Brewer’s a staunch Tea Party Republican, which means she’s totally in step with her cohorts on pushing xenophobic anti-immigrant legislation (and then she compared the criticism she received for the “show me your papers” law to getting waterboarded), dramatic spending cuts for social programs, union busting, a crusade against Planned Parenthood (and women’s access to abortion), and fighting against the Affordable Care Act. But where Brewer falls out of line is her insistance on defending funding for programs that would directly benefit her son and people like him.

Just months into office, Brewer insisted that Republican legislative leaders restore some cuts they had proposed to balance the budget.

Leading that list was nearly $9 million taken from a program to provide mental health services and drug treatment to people who are not poor enough to qualify for the Arizona Health Care Cost Containment System, the state’s Medicaid program, but who do not earn enough to be able to afford coverage of their own. That equated to a 25 percent cut in the program.

Interestingly, Brewer’s also pressed to eliminate the category of “not guilty by reason of insanity” from Arizona’s legal lexicon, changing the verbiage to “guilty but insane.” This would make it difficult for perpetrators like her son to be released from state custody and proclaim that they’re “cured.”

Jan Brewer is not responsible for her son’s conduct, and neither she nor her mentally ill shouldn’t be demonized for his struggle with illness. Ronald Brewer was found not guilty and is receiving ongoing treatment. But while Jan Brewer can’t be blamed for what allegedly happened in July 1989, she can be blamed for how she’s governing the state of Arizona. Given her personal experience, you’d think she’d be hesitant to cut state funding to an organization that provides services to women like the woman whom her son allegedly sexually assaulted.

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Posted in Sexual Assault World Issues

Jeb Murphy: Sexual assault is a human issue

Published by Jeb Murphy on May 8th, 2012

Men can be an agent for positive change.

I am a male, working at SAVES, Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Services’ Franklin County office. People often ask how I ended up working in this field. The truth is I was tired of making lattes (former job) and a friend’s mother thought I’d be good at this work.

At that time, I had really not thought much about sexual assault — historically, it was a women’s issue fought by women, and men’s role in sexual assault was that of the offender. I had never experienced sexual assault in my own life, and I was certainly not an offender, so where would I fit in?

Two years later, I am doing the work and understanding that sexual assault is a human issue, and that men have an important role to play.

When I attend social gatherings (assuming people don’t bolt when I tell them I work in the field of sexual assault advocacy and prevention), people ask, “Why?” and, “Doesn’t that make women uncomfortable?”

I tell them proudly that I am an agent of change. When I stand in front of classrooms, professionals and courtrooms, I know that there may be initial suspicion that I am an offender, but I can help people understand that, instead, I am a helper.

Sometimes that help is provided directly to a male survivor of sexual assault. One in six men will be victims of sexual violence in their lifetimes, but they may not have a voice, or receive support, because society has told them that sexual assault doesn’t happen to them.

Male survivors may be reluctant to seek help because they are told that if they are assaulted by a woman, they should enjoy it because it is sex, after all, and if they are assaulted by a man, they must be gay. They may believe that crisis centers, such as the one I work in, are only for females.

I remember being on a help-line call with a middle-aged man who said he was nervous about talking about something that happened more than 30 years ago. He saw our help line and called a few times, but had not addressed the issue.

In his early teens, he had been abused by a female in his life and I was the first person he ever told, because he felt comfortable talking with another male. He had always thought his case was odd and that men weren’t assaulted. I was the first to tell him it does happen, that his case wasn’t unique, and that the support he needed was here when he was ready.

This work has also allowed me to be a positive male support for female victims. When a woman is assaulted by a man, it doesn’t mean she has an instant hatred for the opposite sex, but it often means that it is more difficult for her to trust that males will treat her well. Being a supportive male, someone who understands boundaries and needs, and someone who can give support, can be one of the best gifts a male can give a survivor of sexual violence.

From a personal stance, I have learned and given support to friends who have faced both sexual violence and intimate partner violence. I have been the first and sometimes only person who believed them or didn’t blame them. It is in this work that I have learned to be a better friend and family member.

At SAVES, there is another male staff person, and several wonderful male advocates. We are males involved in this work — males who care, males who want to help.

But what does this change? How can this make a difference?

During the past two years, I’ve found it changes a lot, and I’m forever proud of myself and males who work in this cause, take action and realize that anti-sexual violence work is much more than not being the offender, but about being the supporter, the voice, the change that needs to happen.

Why do I do this work? Why do I love this work? Because every day, I make a difference, and know that my work may encourage other men to get involved and to make the same difference one day.

Jeb Murphy is the community education and outreach coordinator at Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Services in Franklin County.

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Posted in Office Goings On

Feds to investigate sexual assault response by UM, Missoula police, county prosecutors

Published by Jeb Murphy on May 3rd, 2012

From Missoulian:

A U.S. Justice Department investigation into the handling of sexual assault cases by the Missoula Police Department, the Missoula County Attorney’s Office and the University of Montana will be announced Tuesday.

Missoula County Attorney Fred Van Valkenburg said he received a letter Monday informing him of the investigation, and was visited by representatives from the U.S. Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division.

Mayor John Engen confirmed the investigation, but declined to elaborate on its focus, as did Van Valkenburg and a spokesperson for the U.S. Attorney’s Office.

UM President Royce Engstrom said he likewise was informed about the probe Monday, and that it was his understanding that the university and the other two agencies would be the focus.

“That’s my understanding,” he said, when asked if the investigation would center on the handling of sexual assault cases at UM and the city of Missoula.

“Whatever they want, we’ll cooperate fully,” he said.

Missoula Police Chief Mark Muir referred all queries to the Justice Department, but said – as did Engstrom – that he would be present Tuesday when the announcement is made.

Questions over the handling of sexual assault cases have embroiled both agencies and the university ever since UM announced in mid-December it had hired an outside investigator to examine reports that two UM students reportedly were drugged and gang-raped earlier that month by several male students.

That investigation eventually grew to include nine alleged sexual assault cases involving students that occurred between September 2010 and December 2011. Still other reports were made after the university began its probe that concluded in March.

In addition to the Justice Department investigation, the federal Department of Education is evaluating a complaint alleging harassment by members of the University of Montana Grizzlies football team. That complaint names UM, the Grizzlies football team, Engstrom and former President George Dennison, as well as an athletic director and football coach.

The last two names were redacted from the copy of the complaint obtained by the Missoulian, as was the name of the complainant. Engstrom fired football coach Robin Pflugrad and athletic director Jim O’Day in March.

***

Long before the Title IX complaint was filed with the Education Department’s Office of Civil Rights, some of the women involved in the sexual assault cases criticized the way the Police Department and County Attorney’s Office handled their cases.

One woman said she went to police immediately after she was assaulted, possibly after being drugged, allegedly by members of the UM Grizzlies football team in December 2010.

After a police investigation, the County Attorney’s Office decided not to prosecute, citing a lack of evidence. The Police Department has said it then met with Pflugrad to let him know no charges would be filed.

Another woman said that then-Chief Deputy County Attorney Kirsten Pabst LaCroix testified on behalf of the alleged assailant at a university hearing that resulted in the man’s expulsion. LaCroix, who left the County Attorney’s Office in February, would not comment on the hearing but said the office was acutely aware that “when we file sex charges against someone, it’s going to ruin their life. Filing charges rings a bell that cannot be unrung.”

Two other female UM students, who said they were assaulted in separate attacks last fall, complained to Police Chief Mark Muir about how their cases were handled by police.

Each woman said she was told her case lacked enough evidence to warrant filing charges.

The women said that when they complained to Muir, he talked to them about the challenges in prosecuting rape cases, and cited research he said showed a high incidence of false reports in sexual assault cases. He later sent one of the women – and the Missoulian – a copy of the research he cited.

That was in January. A month later, Muir and other police officers, along with state, county and UM law enforcement, stood beside Engen and Engstrom as they kicked off a campaign to encourage sexual assault victims to call 9-1-1. Pflugrad and O’Day also attended that news conference.

“We’re creating an environment where reporting the crime of sexual assault is always the correct, safe choice,” Engen said at the time.

The news conference followed an avalanche of criticism for the university’s handling of yet another rape case, this time allegedly involving a Saudi student who was informed by the university in February that another student had accused him of sexual assault.

That man fled the country before his alleged victim made a report to Missoula police.

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Posted in Sexual Assault World Issues

Successful Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Published by Jeb Murphy on May 1st, 2012

We’d like to take the opportunity to thank all the volunteers, businesses and individuals involved in making April a successful Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Through the March for Violence Free Communities, Paint the Town Teal, and The Vagina Monologues, we touched many people and raised a lot of awareness around Franklin County. We thank everyone for helping and for anyone who helps and supports victims and survivors of sexual violence. Thank you for helping us in any way you have this month and otherwise.

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Posted in Office Goings On

Girl dies after horror gang rape

Published by Jeb Murphy on March 29th, 2012

A disturbing story about a terrifying rape, but also an interesting look at the difference a public outcry made to bring forth not only justice, but more awareness of a social issue. From the AFP:

An 18-year old Ukrainian girl died Thursday almost three weeks after suffering a gang rape attack by youths which shocked the nation and raised new doubts about the competence of its police. Oksana Makar was raped by three young men in their early 20s, strangled, burned alive and then left for deView Postad in the attack in the southern Ukrainian city of Mykolayiv, investigators have said. The victim was found by a passer-by after she was dumped by her attackers at an abandoned construction site. She was hospitalised with 55 percent burns in a critical condition, requiring the amputation of one of her arms. Oksana Makar died of her injuries in a specialist hospital in the eastern city of Donetsk where she had been taken after her rescue, the clinic announced.

Her heart stopped beating after she suffered a pulmonary haemorrhage and she died despite three attempts to resuscitate her, the chief doctor of the Donetsk Burns centre, Emil Fistal, told AFP. He said the fact she was able to survive for three weeks since the attack, which occured on March 9 or 10, according to the source, had only been possible due to intense treatment and therapy. “Imagine. She was strangled and they (the attackers) thought she had died. So they burned her. She was lying there 10 hours in the freezing cold and inhaled the by-products of the burning,” Fistal said.

President Viktor Yanukovych sent condolences to her relatives while Prime Minister Mykola Azarov vowed that the attackers would be punished “without compromise.” “Millions of Ukrainians believed that Oksana would survive and prayed for her, offering blood, buying medicine,” Azarov said. “Everyone wants that such a thing never happens again.” The case has caused a public outcry in Ukraine, exposing incompetence by the law-enforcement authorities and the extent of social problems in industrial cities like Mykolayiv which are riddled with drugs and AIDS. Ukrainian media had alleged that the suspected attackers — two of whom were initially allowed to go free — are the sons of parents with strong connections to leading local officials. The mother of one suspect used to be the head of a district in the Mykolayiv region, the regional interior ministry confirmed, prompting allegations the authorities had been trying to keep a lid on the whole affair. Meanwhile, her mother controversially posted a footage of Oksana in hospital on YouTube in a harrowing video where she shows the bloodied stump of her arm and, apparently barely able to speak, says she feels “awful”.

The three suspects were all arrested soon after the body was discovered but two were then released, prompting demonstrations by Ukrainians in cities across the country as well as the prominent feminist group Femen. Femen staged a topless protest at the Ukrainian general prosecutors office in Kiev, brandishing slogans like “Death to Sadists!” and “Oksana, Live!” from the entrance porch of the building. All three men were again placed under arrest on March 13. Two suspects were then charged with gang rape and one with rape and attempted murder. Ukrainian interior ministry spokesman Volodymyr Polishchuk told the Interfax-Ukraine news agency that all three had now been charged with premeditated rape and murder. According to the interior ministry, several officials from the police and local prosecutors were fired and reprimanded for initially letting the suspects go free.

If convicted, the three face between 15 years and life in jail, although the brutality of the crime has renewed public debate about the use of the death penalty which was abolished in Ukraine over a decade ago.

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Posted in Sexual Assault World Issues

International Anti-Street Harassment Week: Why It Matters and How You Can Get Involved

Published by Jeb Murphy on March 20th, 2012

By Thembi Ford

Whistles, arm-grabs, flashing, random sexual comments and insults, thrown objects, or even just what pretends to be an innocent “hollla” that turns into physical assault…the list of what young women (and for that matter old women and some men) can face while simply walking down the street is endless. It’s happened to almost everyone, and anyone who’s experienced it knows that street harassment isn’t just “boys being boys.” These interactions leave victims feeling powerless, unwelcome, and wear at feelings of safety and self-esteem over time. And it happens everywhere, every day.

International Anti-Street Harassment Week aims to change that by setting aside March 18 – 24 to spread awareness, share stories, and ask men to join women in solidarity against the problem. The event’s organizer, Holly Kearl, is an expert on gender-based street harassment. She has organized over 100 groups in 18 countries for events this week, ranging from marches to discussion groups in every major city across the country. All of these events focus on allowing women to share their stories to help others understand how damaging it is to address people this way and how unacceptable it is for any of us to remain silent on this issue. This is not a women’s problem, it is a social problem.

 

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Posted in Sexual Assault World Issues

Ex-Monmouth teacher pleads guilty to child porn, theft charges

Published by Jeb Murphy on March 8th, 2012

AUGUSTA — A former teacher at Monmouth Middle School pleaded guilty today to possession of sexually explicit materials and theft of a school laptop that contained photographs of nude children, though none who were local.

From the Morning Sentinel:

Christopher B. Brown, 55, of Monmouth was sentenced in Kennebec County Superior Court to 30 days on the theft charge. A sentencing hearing on the other charge — a felony — was postponed for 12 months.

“The point is to get you the counseling that you apparently need,” Justice Nancy Mills told Brown.

Maine State Police Sgt. Glenn Lang said earlier that Brown admitted using the laptop computer to put the heads of local students on other bodies. Investigators said it did not appear as if any of the children from the middle school were in the nude photographs.

The theft occurred Nov. 2, 2010, and the possession of sexually explicit materials occurred June 8, 2011, both in Monmouth, according to court records.

An additional theft charge and a charge of making a false public report — falsely reporting the laptop had been stolen — were dismissed in exchange for the guilty pleas.

Under a sentencing arrangement approved by Mills, if Brown complies with certain conditions for the next 12 months, he can withdraw his guilty plea to the felony charge and instead plead guilty to a misdemeanor charge of possession of sexually explicit materials.

Those conditions say he must prove he’s attending sex offender counseling, refrain from possession of sexually explicit materials, and refrain from contact with children under 16, except for incidental contact, and have only supervised contact with his grandchildren.

If Brown is successful, he will be sentenced on the misdemeanor charge to a fully suspended 364-day jail term and one year of administrative release with the same conditions.

If Brown is unsuccessful, the plea to felony will remain and he faces a maximum jail term of five years, Mills said.

Assistant District Attorney Paul Rucha told the judge that an employee at Regional School Unit 2, the school district that includes Monmouth, reported finding “disturbing images” of children on the playground and checked laptops of teachers who had those students.

Brown’s laptop was reported missing, and Brown later led Maine State Police to where he had hidden the school computer outside his home, Rucha said. Rucha also said Brown admitted taking the photos.

“We believe the pictures taken were sexually explicit materials,” Rucha said.

Brown was a fifth-grade teacher at Monmouth Middle School for more than a dozen years and was placed on administrative leave after his arrest. He later retired.

Except for pleading guilty and outlining a series of medications he takes, Brown did not say anything to the judge on Wednesday.

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Posted in Local Sexual Assault Issues

Celebrate Women’s History Month

Published by Jeb Murphy on March 6th, 2012

From the National Women’s History Project

Women’s Education – Women’s Empowerment

Although women now outnumber men in American colleges nationwide, the reversal of the gender gap is a very recent phenomenon. The fight to learn was a valiant struggle waged by many tenacious women—across years and across cultures—in our country. After the American Revolution, the notion of education as a safeguard for democracy created opportunities for girls to gain a basic education—based largely on the premise that, as mothers, they would nurture not only the bodies but also the minds of (male) citizens and leaders. The concept that educating women meant educating mothers endured in America for many years, at all levels of education.

Pioneers of secondary education for young women faced arguments from physicians and other “experts” who claimed either that females were incapable of intellectual development equal to men, or that they would be harmed by striving for it. Women’s supposed intellectual and moral weakness was also used to argue against coeducation, which would surely be an assault on purity and femininity. Emma Willard, in her 1819 Plan for Improving Female Education, noted with derision the focus of women’s “education” on fostering the display of youth and beauty, and asserted that women are “the companions, not the satellites of men”—“primary existences” whose education must prepare them to be full partners in life’s journey.

While Harvard, the first college chartered in America, was founded in 1636, it would be almost two centuries before the founding of the first college to admit women—Oberlin, which was chartered in 1833. And even as “coeducation” grew, women’s courses of study were often different from men’s, and women’s role models were few, as most faculty members were male. Harvard itself opened its “Annex” (Radcliffe) for women in 1879 rather than admit women to the men’s college—and single-sex education remained the elite norm in the U.S. until the early 1970s. As coeducation took hold in the Ivy League, the number of women’s colleges decreased steadily; those that remain still answer the need of young women to find their voices, and today’s women’s colleges enroll a far more diverse cross-section of the country than did the original Seven Sisters.

The equal opportunity to learn, taken for granted by most young women today, owes much to Title IX of the Education Codes of the Higher Education Act Amendments. This legislation, passed in 1972 and enacted in 1977, prohibited gender discrimination by federally funded institutions. It has become the primary tool for women’s fuller participation in all aspects of education from scholarships, to facilities, to classes formerly closed to women. Indeed, it transformed the educational landscape of the United States within the span of a generation.

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Posted in Office Goings On

A word about Active Listening

Published by Jeb Murphy on February 28th, 2012

Active listening is an important skill to have, but like any other skill, it takes practice. Here are some tips:

1) Pay attention. That may seem obvious, but it can take a high level of self-awareness to pay attention to what another person is saying, and not your own thoughts. If you do get caught up in a thought you may be having, it’s important to not interrupt with your story. Just listen….

2) Show that you are listening – nods, smiles and eye contact can go a long way.

3) Ask clarifying questions if you need to. “What do you mean when you say…?” “This is what I’m hearing you say… is that correct?” Without realizing, our own thoughts, judgement, experiences and biases can distort what we hear. It’s okay to ask questions, it shows that you are trying to understand.

4) Defer judgement (and advice). Allow the person to finish speaking, and don’t interrupt with counter arguments. These actions can be frustrating and lead the person to believe that you don’t really understand what they’re trying to say.

When working on improving communication skills, it is important to be patient with yourself, because old habits can be hard to break. If you would like more tips on active listening, please let us know and we would be happy to provide you with some :)

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Posted in Office Goings On